Gasp

It is almost inaudible, but still I worry that someone might have heard it. That tiny, sharp intake of breath, that moment where my brain makes me gasp out loud as it meander by another disaster scenario.

Ok, maybe disaster is a bit strong, but it feels like it, in that moment of anxiety that causes me so much distress it is too difficult to hold within my internally frame of reference, and a bit of it escapes.

Whether eligible as a disaster or not, that isn't normal is it? It's not right that my brain is making up random moments at which my life may take a turn for the worse and playing them out for me while I casually answer emails on sunny, yet chilly Monday in September. An unremarkable Monday.

Do other people suffer this type of affliction? Do other peoples brains casual plot out potential downfalls whilst they try to enjoy a cup of tea? Do other people have so little conscious control over this process of major incident planning that they end up involuntarily gasping out loud at the culmination of the projections their brains randomly decide to run? Or is it that I have been living with anxiety for so long, that I see these moments of grim clarity about the possible future, as daily brain hiccups that one lives with?

I should probably look into that, I’ll likely just have another cuppa and open unread email number 134.